Question:
I am so blessed to have really good heath insurance with my job( City job), but i am concerned about if i could no longer preform my duties there and am let go; how would i pay for my drugs. I am on maintamance steriods and would literaly die with out them. Aslo, does anyone have any info ( or know were i can go to get it) on patial or full disabillity for asthma? I am doing ok for now, but i am SOOOOOOOOO tired all the time and feel my body weakening from the steriods; i am only 32 but i don’t know how much longer i can continue.( I already took an alternitive job placement at my job because i could not do my former job). Ras
There is the possibility you could go on Disability thru Social Security if your condition was severe; this would probably mean long-term use of oral steroids and reduced lung function, even after treatment, or other disability from side effects of the steroids, like osteoporosis. But are you getting the best asthma treatment, have alternative diagnosis been considered; how about linkage to sinusitis or GERD? You might want to get a second opinion on your treatment from a good asthma doctor or be evaluated at National Jewish Center in Denver; they are the best place in the US for difficult cases. www.njc.org Here is a link to Social Security Disability Benefits: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10029.html Excerpt: "How We Determine Disability You should be familiar with the process we use to determine if you are disabled. It’s a step-by-step process involving five questions. They are: 1. Are you working?If you are and your earnings average more than $500 a month, you generally cannot be considered disabled. 2. Is your condition severe ? Your impairments must interfere with basic work-related activities for your claim to be considered. 3. Is your condition found in the list of disabling impairments? We maintain a list of impairments for each of the major body systems that are so severe they automatically mean you are disabled. If your condition is not on the list, we have to decide if it is of equal severity to an impairment on the list. If it is, your claim is approved. If it is not, we go to the next step. 4. Can you do the work you did previously? If your condition is severe, but not at the same or equal severity as an impairment on the list, then we must determine if it interferes with your ability to do the work you did in the last 15 years. If it does not, your claim will be denied. If it does, your claim will be considered further. 5. Can you do any other type of work?If you cannot do the work you did in the last 15 years, we then look to see if you can do any other type of work. We consider your age, education, past work experience, and transferable skills, and we review the job demands of occupations as determined by the Department of Labor. If you cannot do any other kind of work, your claim will be approved. If you can, your claim will be denied." Ellis
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am so blessed to have really good heath insurance with my job( City job), but i am concerned about if i could no longer preform my duties there and am let go; how would i pay for my drugs. I am on maintamance steriods and would literaly die with out them. Aslo, does anyone have any info ( or know were i can go to get it) on patial or full disabillity for asthma? I am doing ok for now, but i am SOOOOOOOOO tired all the time and feel my body weakening from the steriods; i am only 32 but i don’t know how much longer i can continue.( I already took an alternitive job placement at my job because i could not do my former job). Ras There is the possibility you could go on Disability thru Social Security Here is a link to Social Security Disability Benefits: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10029.html Excerpt: "How We Determine Disability You should be familiar with the process we use to determine if you are disabled. It’s a step-by-step process involving five questions. They are: 1. Are you working? If you are and your earnings average more than $500 a month, you generally cannot be considered disabled. 2. Is your condition severe? Your impairments must interfere with basic work-related activities for your claim to be considered.–cut–
Ron, Do you carry Disability insurance with your employer? You would have to buy this before you are considered disabled. There is a short section on Asthma & Work Disability in the book ‘The Asthma Sourcebook’ by Francis Adams, MD, c96. Apparently lung function tests to American Medical Assoc. criteria are used to determine work disability.It ends with "Guidelines combining all these factors need to be developed to better define disability in bronchial asthma." If you get to the point where you have too low an energy level to work a 40-hour week, you could consider the possibility of working part time, either formerly or informerly, depending on your employer. You could perhaps cut back to a 4-day week by using up your sick leave and vacation one day at a time, supplemented with taking some unpaid days. Or you could see if your employer would let you formerly work part time. Your benefits might have to be prorated. Taking a half hour nap during lunch can do a lot to restore energy levels. Have you discussed this with your doctor? The asthma drug theophylline is also a central nervous system stimulant, like coffee. You may qualify for protection under ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act. This requires employers to make accomodation for persons with disabilities, asthma can be considered a disability. You would need a letter from your doctor. But you still need to be able to perform the essential functions of the job. Here is a link to ADA http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/ada/adahom1.htm Americans with Disabilities Act http://janweb.icdi.wvu.edu/kinder/ Americans with Disabilities Act Document Center Here is a newsgroup on ADA bit.listserv.ada-law Ellis
Response:
I don’t know much about disability for asthma but if you *do* get disabled status (meaning you can draw Social Security) then you will be covered by Medicare for your hospital and doctor bills. It won’t cover prescription medications though. Many states have programs for such people that will cover the cost of the prescription medications. You should look into this possibility. Medicaid is another possibility. Loki – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am so blessed to have really good heath insurance with my job( City job), but i am concerned about if i could no longer preform my duties there and am let go; how would i pay for my drugs. I am on maintamance steriods and would literaly die with out them. Aslo, does anyone have any info ( or know were i can go to get it) on patial or full disabillity for asthma? I am doing ok for now, but i am SOOOOOOOOO tired all the time and feel my body weakening from the steriods; i am only 32 but i don’t know how much longer i can continue.( I already took an alternitive job placement at my job because i could not do my former job). Ras
Response:
You know, it didn’t hit me the first time I read the original post but it hit me from this reply. It is possible that the original poster has a sleep apnea. I did. I have asthma as well, but it was the apnea that woke me in the night (I didn’t even realize it) and kept me from every getting REM sleep. Now, basically that means that I was walking around sleep deprived even when I’d slept for 12 hours. It’s ugly and you don’t have a clue how tired you really are till you get better. Talk to your doctor about having a sleep apnea test done. I now use a CPAP machine at night and sleep wonderfully well. I have energy too. It took a while for my body to catch itself up (though they say you can never really do that completely) and for me to feel human again. I also had symptoms such as the inability to think clearly. By all means, check into this. Loki – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – anyone have any info ( or know were i can go to get it) on patial or full disabillity for asthma? I am doing ok for now, but i am SOOOOOOOOO tired all the time and feel my body weakening from the steriods; i am Ras, perhaps you are not getting quality sleep at night. I have nocturnal asthma and found that I was tired and irritable most days. However, when I started seeing my specialist, he added SereVent to my regimen and now I sleep through the nights. In fact, when I do have sleep disturbance, I know that my asthma is beginning to flare up. You may want to ask your doctor about SereVent. Janine
Response:
I am so blessed to have really good heath insurance with my job( City job), but i am concerned about if i could no longer preform my duties there and am let go; how would i pay for my drugs. I am on maintamance steriods and would literaly die with out them. Aslo, does anyone have any info ( or know were i can go to get it) on patial or full disabillity for asthma? I am doing ok for now, but i am SOOOOOOOOO tired all the time and feel my body weakening from the steriods; i am only 32 but i don’t know how much longer i can continue.( I already took an alternitive job placement at my job because i could not do my former job). Ras
Response:
OH I see! I didn’t know it worked like that. wow. She’d have to have pretty strong stamina before doing anything like this, I’d think.
Absolutely. Thats why Toughlove is a PROGRAM. You don’t just read a book and go off on your own. Families in crisis are often in terrible trouble. Mess with family dynamics and major things happen, divorce, destruction of relationships, status crimes, involvement of the "system" whether it be social workers or law enforcement, and even in some cases violence. Some people think anytime you are "tough" for a good reason, they are using Toughlove. They are not. You are only practicing Toughlove if you REGULARLY ATTEND A MEETING and to do otherwise can be dangerous. In my 15 years of Toughlove I have been involved first hand with situations involving not just druggies, runaways, and abusers, but kidnappers, and even murder. Toughlove is not for the faint of heart, but the earlier anyone starts trying to difuse a crises the less likely it is the most drastic things will touch your family. You may be called upon however to support some other family that way. In my fifteen years, I found myself between teenage prostitutes and their pimps, helped 3 parents bury their children, and helped on child deal with the murder of her father by her brother and the abandonment of the surviving child by the mother. But Toughlove works. It extricates those who practice it from the crisis and gives it back to the person causing it. It does not always result in the successful resolution of the crisis for the person in trouble, the druggie, runaway, abuser, or whatever. Carol
Response:
Thanks Carol. You are a most valuable member of the group, and a virtual fountain of information. I am glad that I did not try to explain Toughlove, because I would not have done a very good job. Changing the dynamics of a relationship involves a lot of risk. I guess you have to spend a lot of time determining the possible outcomes and be willing to accept them. Thanks also for mentioning WellSpouse, they seem to an excellent group. http://www.wellspouse.org/ Jude – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – But it only works in situations like this one if there is a commitment to attending weekly, making a weekly bottom line, and if the Toughlove group is stsrong enough to offer real all week long support through phone calls etc. To find a Toughlove group near you see http://www.toughlove.org/ So in other words, in this case, it would take the husband’s agreement for it to even have a chance. Perhaps we’re thinking of an Intervention, not necessarily Toughlove. No. I’m not speaking of a cooperative husband. The person with the current crisis, in this situation the wife, would need to commit to regular attendance and WITHOUT the husband, perhaps even without his knowledge. Toughlove can do interventions but it requires a team of support, a backup plan in case violence occurs, continuing phone support and perhaps standby’s for physical presence. It doesn’t happen the first week you walk in to a Toughlove group. The group will brainstorm possible behavior changes for the WIFE, and what possible outcome would be in terms of hubby’s reaction, and make a plan for a safe transition. It will get worse before it gets better as the crisis is given back to the diabetic hubby. Family dynamics will get worse. Hubby may not react as predicted. This type of thing will go on for several meetings before there is enough of a crisis for hubby to do an intervention. And whether Toughlove is used or not, any intervention requires a plan for immediate problem solving. Confront diabetic hubby with a his crisis and offer him a way of eating or loss of something he treasures like the marriage. It may take that much of pressure and could break up a marriage. Not to be done carelessly without a person skilled in intervention involved. But Toughlove has many other less drastic techniques that can be used which would possibly make an intervention and the high risk of damage to a personal relationship less likely. Or at least allow wife to come to terms with her own crisis and find a way to live with his choices rather than destroying their relationship. Carol D.
– - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Thanks also for mentioning WellSpouse, they seem to an excellent group. http://www.wellspouse.org/
I think so. 
But then I’m prejudiced. Without that identification I would have had a much more difficult journey accepting the changes my husband’s brain tumor and amnesia had forced into my life and how it had changed me. I wish they were more well known and that there was an active chapter close to every affected person. Especially those of us coping with orphan diseases. Yeah there are support groups for cancer and even diabetes, but not for spouses of persons with amnesia, or Krohns (sp) and many others. I’d love it if just once their annual weekend wasn’t in Pennsylvania. Really great for folks in that area but prohibitively expensive for those of us too far to drive in a couple hours. Carol D.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh man…. I was diagnosed last March with type II, and perscribed glucophage (500mgs 1 a day) and changed my diet. I have already lost 6 pounds from the excercise I started. I was positive and upbeat. The doctor said we caught it early. I studied, I read, and thought I was getting a grip on all the "diabetes" info. I was a steady drinker, not heavy, but drank constantly. For the new year, I gave up drinking. Cold turkey. Didnt have a drop until last March when I was diagnosed, because I was in shock. After that, no more alcohol (beer drinker) and like I said, tried to change my bad habits. Last week, I got depressed,bad and I drank 2×40 oz Budweisers. But I swore off again. Yesterday I got a note in the mail from my last urine test that the results were "slightly abnormal" and that I should call to discuss it. I called, but the doctor was out for the weekend, so here I sit, wondering if my kidneys are damaged. All because of my stupidity. I know now that I am still in denial, and with this simple note, it was brought home to me that I have to change or else. I would have liked to have the doctor call me and tell me whats up, but I definately got the message. I have diabetes for good. I have to take care of myself better, and I need to get serious. I just hope what damage I have done to myself can be slowed but I have read the medical pages, and the books about what damage does to the kidneys and I am scared. Seeing your post gave me lots of thought I guess.
Hi, Steve. Confession is good for the soul. But I’d warn against jumping to conclusions. He did say it was *slightly* abnormal. If he/she was terribly worried about it, she probably wouldn’t mention it at all, and just give you an urgent message to come in. Most doctors don’t like to give terribly bad news over the phone because the patient often needs support at that time. That’s another sign that this is likely precautionary. I want you to hold that scared shitless feeling just a few more minutes. Feel it all the way thru your body. Because if you don’t realize that this is a big-time disease with tragic complications, you’re going to have that feeling over and over. You have to fight for your life and the quality of your life everyday or you *will* succumb to it. Now you can get rid of that feeling. It has done its work. I wish I could tell you honestly that you have nothing to worry about, but the best I can say is it is probably just precautionary. What is past is gone, you can’t undo it, but the medical profession has a lot of tools available to them. Today and all the Tomorrows are what is important now, and you have to do your part. Relax and enjoy the weekend. Let us know what the doctor says on Monday. All my best, Jude — - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Oh man…. I was diagnosed last March with type II, and perscribed glucophage (500mgs 1 a day) and changed my diet. I have already lost 6 pounds from the excercise I started. I was positive and upbeat. The doctor said we caught it early. I studied, I read, and thought I was getting a grip on all the "diabetes" info. I was a steady drinker, not heavy, but drank constantly. For the new year, I gave up drinking. Cold turkey. Didnt have a drop until last March when I was diagnosed, because I was in shock. After that, no more alcohol (beer drinker) and like I said, tried to change my bad habits. Last week, I got depressed,bad and I drank 2×40 oz Budweisers. But I swore off again. Yesterday I got a note in the mail from my last urine test that the results were "slightly abnormal" and that I should call to discuss it. I called, but the doctor was out for the weekend, so here I sit, wondering if my kidneys are damaged. All because of my stupidity. I know now that I am still in denial, and with this simple note, it was brought home to me that I have to change or else. I would have liked to have the doctor call me and tell me whats up, but I definately got the message. I have diabetes for good. I have to take care of myself better, and I need to get serious. I just hope what damage I have done to myself can be slowed but I have read the medical pages, and the books about what damage does to the kidneys and I am scared. Seeing your post gave me lots of thought I guess. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Okay, weird response from me here…for several years prior to being diagnosed as a diabetic, I was a periodic heavy drinker and ALWAYS lost weight while drinking. I joined a 12 step program for that, and my health has deteriorated rapidly. My mind works better, but my point is this…could the alcohol have been ‘masking’ my diabetes somehow? Bonita Bonita, Nothing wierd about it. As another 12 stepper, I can relate my experiences to you. When I was drinking, ( 12 years, 7 months and 28 days ago) I used alchohol as my ‘cure all’. It was great! ( or so I thought at the time.) No matter what ailed me, alchohol would take care of it. The bigger the problem, the more ‘medicine’ I would take. I’m speaking strictly on the psychological effects, not the physical. I now know that alchohol does mask a lot of problems, including the alchohol itself. This probably has nothing to do with the train of thought you were taking, but I thanks for allowing me to get it off my chest. Love Y’all! — *Wolf* (Too Sweet For My Own Good) Before you buy.
Response:
Wrong, his mama would just laugh and say, "You gonna die, you gonna Enabling all her children whether it be food( a 4 year old great granddaughter she cares for, weighing almost 100 pounds) or alcohol and drugs…. Needless to say, I don’t see much of her or the rest of his family.
I already had it pegged that his mama was that sort. Sorry to hear it confirmed, though. All you can do is what YOU can do on your end. And it still comes down to it being up to your fellow coming to his senses himself. Good luck again! Krin P.S. My other post to this thread was written last night, but didn’t go out until this morning thanks to the internet problems we’ve had. Sorry if it’s moldy. :)
Response:
But it only works in situations like this one if there is a commitment to attending weekly, making a weekly bottom line, and if the Toughlove group is stsrong enough to offer real all week long support through phone calls etc. To find a Toughlove group near you see http://www.toughlove.org/ So in other words, in this case, it would take the husband’s agreement for it to even have a chance. Perhaps we’re thinking of an Intervention, not necessarily Toughlove.
No. I’m not speaking of a cooperative husband. The person with the current crisis, in this situation the wife, would need to commit to regular attendance and WITHOUT the husband, perhaps even without his knowledge. Toughlove can do interventions but it requires a team of support, a backup plan in case violence occurs, continuing phone support and perhaps standby’s for physical presence. It doesn’t happen the first week you walk in to a Toughlove group. The group will brainstorm possible behavior changes for the WIFE, and what possible outcome would be in terms of hubby’s reaction, and make a plan for a safe transition. It will get worse before it gets better as the crisis is given back to the diabetic hubby. Family dynamics will get worse. Hubby may not react as predicted. This type of thing will go on for several meetings before there is enough of a crisis for hubby to do an intervention. And whether Toughlove is used or not, any intervention requires a plan for immediate problem solving. Confront diabetic hubby with a his crisis and offer him a way of eating or loss of something he treasures like the marriage. It may take that much of pressure and could break up a marriage. Not to be done carelessly without a person skilled in intervention involved. But Toughlove has many other less drastic techniques that can be used which would possibly make an intervention and the high risk of damage to a personal relationship less likely. Or at least allow wife to come to terms with her own crisis and find a way to live with his choices rather than destroying their relationship. Carol D.
Response:
Krins post is excellent. Its mostly the kind of stuff you would hear at a Toughlove meeting too. They’d just be there for physical support and minute by minute access for small crises. Such wisdom is rare. Great job Krin. Carol D. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok. I don’t have a lot of experience with my own diabetes, but I do have some understanding & perspective to share on your situation. My mother is married to my stepdad now for 15+ years. They’re about 63 now. He’s been Type II the whole time, and insulin dependent the whole time. He’s a very bad diabetic. Does the insulin, sure, and tests his sugar, yes. But then eats whatever he wants in whatever quantities (aside from adding the white sugar, as you put it). He’s finally getting to the point of no return, hurting all the time, kidneys pooping out, at risk of heart attacks. And yet he still would eat a while Sara Lee poundcake in one sitting if he wanted. His adult children (including a daughter-in-law who finished med school), my mother, my sister & I all have had our tries with him. But he just won’t quit his bad habits. So ultimately, we’ve gotten to the point that we view him as one would an alcoholic. We consider that he alone has ownership for his situation. Admittedly, my mother is his enabler. She could, if she wanted, eat no snickers bars around him, keep fatty stuff out of the house, and not join him on trips out for pizza and dark beers at the local microbrewery. It is a bad partnership. And one ultimately we’ve just accepted. My stepfather and she have made their choices. As with alcoholics, if you view your husband as a food-a-holic, you could go to Al-Anon support groups & see if they offer something that will help YOU be able to cope with his misbehavior, and possibly learn some ways to not be part of the problem (if you are, which it doesn’t sound like… but sometimes it’s hard to see). I don’t know if that sounds like anything you’d like to do. But if not, at least you can perhaps take the steps my mother has not… and even consider eating a diabetic diet yourself, and make him go to Mama’s if he wants to eat the fatty stuff. A diet good for a diabetic, with perhaps a few less restrictions, is still a good diet for anybody. It’s worth considering. Especially if you’re the cook in the house. And limit the portions made available. If you do the shopping, buy nothing naughty. Make him go out & get his own ice cream, or whatever. I would suggest you get some help learning how to help him without being the typical woman (in his eyes) and harping on about what he’s made his mind about. I am no expert in relationships… still learning myself about male/female communication. But if you have a relationship that you’re willing to fight to protect, some guidance might be in order. Books have been written, counselors might help (at least you). It’s obvious you love & care for him. I hope you are able to take whatever I offer & get something from it that will help you. And listen to others here, too. They’re (mostly) older than I, and more experienced (both in diabetes & in relationships). Just know I & the others care. And I hope you’ll be able to help your husband make HIS decision to take care of himself. He may just have to do things his own way & in his own time. Just be careful not to be the ‘I told you so’ girl when & if he makes mistakes that cause consequences. Makes you feel better, but seldom is welcomed by those who have it told to them. Good Luck & Warm Wishes, Krin
Response:
Krin, you done well… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok. I don’t have a lot of experience with my own diabetes, but I do have some understanding & perspective to share on your situation. My mother is married to my stepdad now for 15+ years. They’re about 63 now. He’s been Type II the whole time, and insulin dependent the whole time. He’s a very bad diabetic. Does the insulin, sure, and tests his sugar, yes. But then eats whatever he wants in whatever quantities (aside from adding the white sugar, as you put it). He’s finally getting to the point of no return, hurting all the time, kidneys pooping out, at risk of heart attacks. And yet he still would eat a while Sara Lee poundcake in one sitting if he wanted. His adult children (including a daughter-in-law who finished med school), my mother, my sister & I all have had our tries with him. But he just won’t quit his bad habits. So ultimately, we’ve gotten to the point that we view him as one would an alcoholic. We consider that he alone has ownership for his situation. Admittedly, my mother is his enabler. She could, if she wanted, eat no snickers bars around him, keep fatty stuff out of the house, and not join him on trips out for pizza and dark beers at the local microbrewery. It is a bad partnership. And one ultimately we’ve just accepted. My stepfather and she have made their choices.
Dad could never eat to be healthy. If we had rice or potatoes, we also had to have bread with lots of real butter. He’d eat 1/2 stick (1/8 pound) with each meal. He’d go 30 miles to get that bread. Even if we had dumplings, he’d have that bread. So, Mom and Dad both had heart attacks, (Dad’s deceased) so after Mom’s last one, she looked at me from her intensive care bed and said, "I wish I taught you how to eat. I wish I could have changed Daddy’s mind." As with alcoholics, if you view your husband as a food-a-holic, you could go to Al-Anon support groups & see if they offer something that will help YOU be able to cope with his misbehavior, and possibly learn some ways to not be part of the problem (if you are, which it doesn’t sound like… but sometimes it’s hard to see).
I definately think that some therapy for you could help. You have a great burden you have put on yourself and you have to learn to put that burden on someone else (him?). You can’t be responsible for what someone else does. Yet, you do have to deal with it. What I don’t suggest is nagging, or bothering him with facts. He won’t listen, most likely. If you love him and he loves you, nagging will just chip away at yor love, and he’ll find someone else who will take him just the way he is. I don’t know if that sounds like anything you’d like to do. But if not, at least you can perhaps take the steps my mother has not… and even consider eating a diabetic diet yourself, and make him go to Mama’s if he wants to eat the fatty stuff. A diet good for a diabetic, with perhaps a few less restrictions, is still a good diet for anybody. It’s worth considering. Especially if you’re the cook in the house. And limit the portions made available. If you do the shopping, buy nothing naughty. Make him go out & get his own ice cream, or whatever. I would suggest you get some help learning how to help him without being the typical woman (in his eyes) and harping on about what he’s made his mind about.
Yes, don’t buy or serve the things that are wrong for him. It will actually come back at you, you will be blamed for his lack of control. A careful diet designed for a diabetic is fine nutrition for any healthy person, if you eat like a diabetic, you’ll have no problems. I am no expert in relationships… still learning myself about male/female communication. But if you have a relationship that you’re willing to fight to protect, some guidance might be in order. Books have been written, counselors might help (at least you). It’s obvious you love & care for him. I hope you are able to take whatever I offer & get something from it that will help you. And listen to others here, too. They’re (mostly) older than I, and more experienced (both in diabetes & in relationships). Just know I & the others care. And I hope you’ll be able to help your husband make HIS decision to take care of himself. He may just have to do things his own way & in his own time. Just be careful not to be the ‘I told you so’ girl when & if he makes mistakes that cause consequences. Makes you feel better, but seldom is welcomed by those who have it told to them.
Hopefully, he’ll come around. If he doesn’t you can prepare for many years of care, some which will be very difficult. If he doesn’t take care of himself, maybe you will be lucky and something will take him quickly. If he doesn’t take care of himself, none of the news is happy. Good Luck & Warm Wishes, Krin
And mine as well. My heart is with you. Jude — - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok.
I don’t have a lot of experience with my own diabetes, but I do have some understanding & perspective to share on your situation. My mother is married to my stepdad now for 15+ years. They’re about 63 now. He’s been Type II the whole time, and insulin dependent the whole time. He’s a very bad diabetic. Does the insulin, sure, and tests his sugar, yes. But then eats whatever he wants in whatever quantities (aside from adding the white sugar, as you put it). He’s finally getting to the point of no return, hurting all the time, kidneys pooping out, at risk of heart attacks. And yet he still would eat a while Sara Lee poundcake in one sitting if he wanted. His adult children (including a daughter-in-law who finished med school), my mother, my sister & I all have had our tries with him. But he just won’t quit his bad habits. So ultimately, we’ve gotten to the point that we view him as one would an alcoholic. We consider that he alone has ownership for his situation. Admittedly, my mother is his enabler. She could, if she wanted, eat no snickers bars around him, keep fatty stuff out of the house, and not join him on trips out for pizza and dark beers at the local microbrewery. It is a bad partnership. And one ultimately we’ve just accepted. My stepfather and she have made their choices. As with alcoholics, if you view your husband as a food-a-holic, you could go to Al-Anon support groups & see if they offer something that will help YOU be able to cope with his misbehavior, and possibly learn some ways to not be part of the problem (if you are, which it doesn’t sound like… but sometimes it’s hard to see). I don’t know if that sounds like anything you’d like to do. But if not, at least you can perhaps take the steps my mother has not… and even consider eating a diabetic diet yourself, and make him go to Mama’s if he wants to eat the fatty stuff. A diet good for a diabetic, with perhaps a few less restrictions, is still a good diet for anybody. It’s worth considering. Especially if you’re the cook in the house. And limit the portions made available. If you do the shopping, buy nothing naughty. Make him go out & get his own ice cream, or whatever. I would suggest you get some help learning how to help him without being the typical woman (in his eyes) and harping on about what he’s made his mind about. I am no expert in relationships… still learning myself about male/female communication. But if you have a relationship that you’re willing to fight to protect, some guidance might be in order. Books have been written, counselors might help (at least you). It’s obvious you love & care for him. I hope you are able to take whatever I offer & get something from it that will help you. And listen to others here, too. They’re (mostly) older than I, and more experienced (both in diabetes & in relationships). Just know I & the others care. And I hope you’ll be able to help your husband make HIS decision to take care of himself. He may just have to do things his own way & in his own time. Just be careful not to be the ‘I told you so’ girl when & if he makes mistakes that cause consequences. Makes you feel better, but seldom is welcomed by those who have it told to them. Good Luck & Warm Wishes, Krin
Response:
The more you watch him the more he is going to do the opposite of what you want. You can tell him dyng would be the easiest thing that could happen to him. I dont want to alarm you but let him know that Ella Fitzgerald had her legs amputated to the hips because of her diabetes. It is not a game but unfortunately too many people live in denial. Change, whether good or bad, is so hard to make. We all at one time questioned. When I see numbers in the 70s I say there was a mistake. but when I test and see 190, who am I fooling. \ Give him the informatioln. Unfortunately until he gets scared out of his mind, you wont be able to do anything. Just be supportive when he does come around and he will have the denial and the anger. Loretta
Response:
Judy, first of all let me tell you that if all your loving attempts and maybe some Toughlove (Carol Schwaderer will be on later and will explain that and maybe give you some pointers) fail then you have a support group here with us.
Yes I sort of have. Don’t know where this message has been hiding for all these hours. But really with kind of a situation a few pointers won’t do it. Toughlove could work. People tend to think of Toughlove as a group of parents of teen druggies who lock the kid out of the house. Toughlove is actually a program that involves a weekly checkin< formation of a plan of action for the week< local support< taking one step at a time to change your own behavior in ways that will change the dynamic of the relationship with whatever person"s behavior is giving you a crisis and giving that crisis back to that individual I have known parents of all ages coping with all sorts of behavior problem sources from drugs, to mental illness, to poor parenting etc. I have worked with parents in their 60’s or 70’s with druggie or suicidal or alcoholic children, trying to save their grandchildren. And with a person as young as 19 trying to save a sister who had was a runaway from their alcoholic parents. So its possible the program could help. It can be used to cope with spouses or even parents whose behavior is causing you a crisis. I used it with Josh for nearly all his life. And he learned to use it back to me, which I hope gave him some skills to cope with his kidnappers, and will make him a better parent if he becomes one. But it only works in situations like this one if there is a commitment to attending weekly, making a weekly bottom line, and if the Toughlove group is stsrong enough to offer real all week long support through phone calls etc. To find a Toughlove group near you see http://www.toughlove.org/
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok. His glasses are already as thick as I’ve ever seen. Has worn glasses since he was a child. That’s what I’m most scared about that he will go blind. With the shift that I work, he doesn’t stay home. He is medically disabled from a previous motorcycle accident before I met him, but anyways, he goes to his mama’s and she feeds him whatever he wants.
Hi Judy, I’ve been wanting to respond to your original post, but couldn’t find the right words. I finally had them come to me, and I’m afraid you will not like what I have to say. My suggestion is that you start looking through the personal ads and trying to find a replacement for this jackass. He doesn’t love himself and he doesn’t seem to love you enugh to care about our feelings or his health. Let him know that you know that he is pushing himself into an early grave and you don’t like it. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and if he really loved you, he would take care of himself to extend your years together. Let him know that you don’t intend to be alone. Ask him about increasing his life insurance policy. After all, once he’s gone, you’ll have a whole new life and it will need to be financed. Ask him which suit he wants to be placed in, and tell him not to pick out his best. Your new beau might like to wear it. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings. He obviously doesn’t worry about yours. Just let him know that you hope he goes quickly. My father went blind due to his lack of respect for his diabetes. Then he died. He was a tremendous burden on his wife and you don’t want that, now do you? I know this is rough, but that’s just my mood tonight. You are being abused by your husband. Mental anguish is abuse, and you don’t have to put up with it. — *Wolf* (Too Sweet For My Own Good) Before you buy.
Response:
Okay, weird response from me here…for several years prior to being diagnosed as a diabetic, I was a periodic heavy drinker and ALWAYS lost weight while drinking. I joined a 12 step program for that, and my health has deteriorated rapidly. My mind works better, but my point is this…could the alcohol have been ‘masking’ my diabetes somehow?
For a description about how alcohol effects blood glucose, the ADA provides this in layman’s language: http://www.diabetes.org/ada/c40e.asp Alcohol could have been keeping your bG low during certain periods, but even with minimal nutrition, it was also likely to be pushing out the sugars at times of sobriety. Likely an HbA1c test would have identified the diabetes earlier, altho despite recommendations that it be used as a screening test, not many doctors do. Jude – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! Even though beer has some carbohydrates (so you might think it would raise the BGs), it *can* lower blood glucose levels. The way it works is by temporarily paralyzing the liver so that the liver can’t release glucose into the blood stream to help keep the levels up. The liver is *supposed* to release glucose into the blood when levels drop to some magical point (I don’t know what the point would be). If the body has released too much insulin or the person has injected too much, the beer could prevent the liver from compensating. Of course I’m probably oversimplifying that explanation. But that’s generally how it works. — Type 1 since 10/99, 10L & 2R (using GentleJet) since Mar 00 HbA1c: 10/99: 12.1, 3/00: 5.6 lower-carb (25/30/45), gradually Paleolithic "never never give up", Winston Churchill. "or find another way", wombn http://www.mindspring.com/~wombn
– - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Okay, weird response from me here…for several years prior to being diagnosed as a diabetic, I was a periodic heavy drinker and ALWAYS lost weight while drinking. I joined a 12 step program for that, and my health has deteriorated rapidly. My mind works better, but my point is this…could the alcohol have been ‘masking’ my diabetes somehow? Bonita
Bonita, Nothing wierd about it. As another 12 stepper, I can relate my experiences to you. When I was drinking, ( 12 years, 7 months and 28 days ago) I used alchohol as my ‘cure all’. It was great! ( or so I thought at the time.) No matter what ailed me, alchohol would take care of it. The bigger the problem, the more ‘medicine’ I would take. I’m speaking strictly on the psychological effects, not the physical. I now know that alchohol does mask a lot of problems, including the alchohol itself. This probably has nothing to do with the train of thought you were taking, but I thanks for allowing me to get it off my chest. Love Y’all! — *Wolf* (Too Sweet For My Own Good) Before you buy.
Response:
Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before.
Okay. Respect his right to medical confidentiality. That does not mean that you cannot communicate with his doctor about his situation, it only means the doctor cannot give you information or feedback. The doctor, of course, has the option to accept or reject the info you provide. My best suggestion is to do it in writing, about a week before the next appointment. If you are worried about recriminations, mention that, and the doctor should take that into consideration. Best wishes for you that this will all work out. Jude — - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
I’m exhausting myself from worrying and asking what he’s eating and how his sugar levels are. I cringe when I come home from work at night thinking he’s going to be passed out somewhere. I have my own medical problems and don’t need this aggravation from him seemingly trying to kill himself.
Many of us go through a period of denial after a couple weeks. We start doing the program suggested, we improve and we say, "Hey, if my number are normal now did I really have diabetes". Then too for your husband giving up drinking too was probaby hard for him and after a couple weeks the old way of eating and drinking are starting to be missed so he’ll try "just a little" as a test and not seeing any real amazing scary numbers he’s given himself p4rmission maybe to "revert" to his old way of eating. You can keep trying to support him and encourage him to go "healthy" again. But it would be better if he was reading the message here instead of you. Of course you might consider printing out messages you think are interesting and giving them to him, or reading them aloud to him. But the truth is, there is only just so much a person other than the diabetic can to to help them change. They have to want to do it themselves. I’m seeing the same thing right now with my father who feels since he’s 75 and lots of body parts are wearing out, he does’t have to bother with taking care of his diabetes. You can’t exhaust yourself trying to change him and still take care of yourself. I think I remember when you showed up here before and I may have suggested you consider getting some support for your own issues as a Wellspouse. But just in case I didn’t, or you didn’t check it out the first time, please think about reading Mainstay by Peg Meisel or Helping Ourselves Help Others by Rosalyn Carter and visiting the Wellspouse Foundati=n webpage at http://www.wellspouse.org/support.html http://www.wellspouse.org/directory.html http://www.wellspouse.org/mentors.html Hugs Carol D.
Response:
I forgot this link which is where you can find the book "Mainstay" http://www.wellspouse.org/friends.html Carol
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok. His glasses are already as thick as I’ve ever seen. Has worn glasses since he was a child. That’s what I’m most scared about that he will go blind. With the shift that I work, he doesn’t stay home. He is medically disabled from a previous motorcycle accident before I met him, but anyways, he goes to his mama’s and she feeds him whatever he wants.
Educate Mama. No Mama worth her salt will feed her child poison. When Mama learns something about diabetes and how what sonny eats affects his health, I’ll bet she will no longer enable him. Carol
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! Even though beer has some carbohydrates (so you might think it would raise the BGs), it *can* lower blood glucose levels. The way it works is by temporarily paralyzing the liver so that the liver can’t release glucose into the blood stream to help keep the levels up. The liver is *supposed* to release glucose into the blood when levels drop to some magical point (I don’t know what the point would be). If the body has released too much insulin or the person has injected too much, the beer could prevent the liver from compensating. Of course I’m probably oversimplifying that explanation. But that’s generally how it works.
You are right, of course. Alcohol wouldn’t be a good test, but a super-sweet homemade lemonade would. Or a regular soda like Coca-Cola. Or even a tall orange juice. Jude — - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Judy, this is heart breaking for both of you, you to watch someone you love and him to be in such denial. Falling back into his old way of eating and not taking the meds will show the results before long. My husband fell off the wagon for only 2 months after 20 months of control by tablets and diet. Since October last year he has had to be back on the diet and meds but now he takes 3 times as much meds to control what he already had controlled. It wasn’t major as far as physical complications went except for his eyesight which deteriorated quite a bit during that period. He has the thickest lenses I have ever seen. Your husband is fooling himself, but I feel he has to find out the stupidity of thinking that way by himself. If you continue to watch closely and make sure everything you cook for him and have in the house is within his limits for the diabetes then you have done just about all you can do. It’s true what they say that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Nagging isn’t going to work, just divide you. Jude’s suggestions about setting ‘things’ in place for the future may help. Somehow I don’t think he’ll end up dead in the next few days 
but he may start feeling bad again rather soon. It’s unfortunate that we do have to learn by our mistakes. If he doesn;t object, go along to the doctor’s with him. Instead of saying to the doc that he thinks this ir that, ask a non threatening (to your husband) question like"does diabetes go away by itself" and don’t don’t tack on "cause hubby thinks it does". You may need to get some books from the library that explains diabetes better and read them with him. Hopefully he will understand that you are coming from love not a need to control. It’s all in the words you choose. Hope everything improves for you Judy. God bless.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I might have been here before and was given tons of advice and information. For some reason, my newsgroups vanished and my server says he doesn’t understand why..So rather than argue with him, I downloaded this Free Agent and it has been doing fine so far. My husband, who will be 60 in Nov., was dx’d with diabetes aprox. a month ago. Was put on 2 Glipizide a day. Stopped drinking ( which was a miracle) and it seemed he was taking this seriously. Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! I told him maybe it was dropping too low at night and he should tell his Dr. He said he did and Dr. says he has to take them both. So, now I’m worried he’s going to take his experiments too far and end up dead or worse….He’s old enough to know better or see a different Dr. if he thinks this one isn’t listening. I think I should just make it NOT my problem. I’m exhausting myself from worrying and asking what he’s eating and how his sugar levels are. I cringe when I come home from work at night thinking he’s going to be passed out somewhere. I have my own medical problems and don’t need this aggravation from him seemingly trying to kill himself.
Response:
Hi, Judy. My name is Jim Pinckley and I went through the same thing when I was diagnosed back in 1993. I have taken the Glucotrol for 7 years now and I still find it hard to admit I am a diabetic. I have felt great for 7 years and haven’t missed a single day of work for any reason. Then on April 20th, I got a wake up call from GOD! I was diagnosed with Cellulitis in my left foot complicated by DIABETES. How could they say such a thing. Well, after being admitted to the hospital, I started to pray hard. I told God that if he let me keep my toes and foot, I would start taking this Diabetes thing seriously. Also, I would tell everyone I met that God still heals today. After a week in the hospital, I came home on April 27th. I still have a huge hole in my left foot from the surgeon dibriding the wound, but I still have all my toes and my foot. I am testing daily and eating more healthy. I went back to work Friday, May 5th and doing very well. Please, if you need to talk or anything else, send me e-mail. I hope my wake up call can be an inspiration to someone else. God is Good! Jim.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I might have been here before and was given tons of advice and information. For some reason, my newsgroups vanished and my server says he doesn’t understand why..So rather than argue with him, I downloaded this Free Agent and it has been doing fine so far. My husband, who will be 60 in Nov., was dx’d with diabetes aprox. a month ago. Was put on 2 Glipizide a day. Stopped drinking ( which was a miracle) and it seemed he was taking this seriously. Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! I told him maybe it was dropping too low at night and he should tell his Dr. He said he did and Dr. says he has to take them both. So, now I’m worried he’s going to take his experiments too far and end up dead or worse….He’s old enough to know better or see a different Dr. if he thinks this one isn’t listening. I think I should just make it NOT my problem. I’m exhausting myself from worrying and asking what he’s eating and how his sugar levels are. I cringe when I come home from work at night thinking he’s going to be passed out somewhere. I have my own medical problems and don’t need this aggravation from him seemingly trying to kill himself.
Response:
Okay, weird response from me here…for several years prior to being diagnosed as a diabetic, I was a periodic heavy drinker and ALWAYS lost weight while drinking. I joined a 12 step program for that, and my health has deteriorated rapidly. My mind works better, but my point is this…could the alcohol have been ‘masking’ my diabetes somehow? Bonita
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! Even though beer has some carbohydrates (so you might think it would raise the BGs), it *can* lower blood glucose levels. The way it works is by temporarily paralyzing the liver so that the liver can’t release glucose into the blood stream to help keep the levels up. The liver is *supposed* to release glucose into the blood when levels drop to some magical point (I don’t know what the point would be). If the body has released too much insulin or the person has injected too much, the beer could prevent the liver from compensating. Of course I’m probably oversimplifying that explanation. But that’s generally how it works. — Type 1 since 10/99, 10L & 2R (using GentleJet) since Mar 00 HbA1c: 10/99: 12.1, 3/00: 5.6 lower-carb (25/30/45), gradually Paleolithic "never never give up", Winston Churchill. "or find another way", wombn http://www.mindspring.com/~wombn
Response:
Judy, first of all let me tell you that if all your loving attempts and maybe some Toughlove (Carol Schwaderer will be on later and will explain that and maybe give you some pointers) fail then you have a support group here with us. Just like support groups for spouses and families of alcoholics etc. If you can’t change them you can at least be supported. Having said that, all is not lost yet. When a person denies themselves certain things they often go beserk when they break, hence the ice cream and stuff that your husband didn’t used to eat before diagnosis. You are the person doing the physical changes in his life, you are the cook, you are ‘forcing’ him to eat like a diabetic. Of course you are going to be resented (as unfair as it all seems). I think you will find that a lot of spouses here have already run that gauntlet. My husband used to think you could have all your carbos in one meal and then starve for the rest of the day. Your husband is going through a lot of emotions and he is also ignorant. Has he seen a dietitian or diabetic educator yet? Do you think having a quiet chat to his mum and explaining all the serious complications of uncontrolled diabetes would help? Take some literature with you if it is going to help. One of my daughters was responsible for getting her father back on track after his lapse last year, she explained to him on the quiet that she had noticed his over the top anger was hurting the family and suggested his blood sugars were too high (yes I coached her). Luckily he listened to her and visited the doctor. At the rate your husband is going it sounds like he will notice rather quickly that he is doing the wrong thing. It’s sad that his mother reinforces his behaviour at the moment. If you haven’t already got one, get a cheap paperback carbohydrate count book and show him that carbos are a lot of food not just sugar.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the suggestions, but NO WAY will he let me go to Dr. with him. Tried that once before. He hasn’t gone back to his old way of eating. He’s doing worse. When I came home tonight he was eating a quart of chocloate chip ice cream. I also smelled beer on his breath. He didn’t even eat junk like that before. I was the ice cream/junk food person. Also, he seems to resent me. Seems to think I deserve to have diabetes, not him. It’s hard to talk to him about foods. He doesn’t realize all the foods that contain sugar. Thinks if he doesn’t use the actual white sugar, he’s ok. His glasses are already as thick as I’ve ever seen. Has worn glasses since he was a child. That’s what I’m most scared about that he will go blind. With the shift that I work, he doesn’t stay home. He is medically disabled from a previous motorcycle accident before I met him, but anyways, he goes to his mama’s and she feeds him whatever he wants.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Judy, this is heart breaking for both of you, you to watch someone you love and him to be in such denial. Falling back into his old way of eating and not taking the meds will show the results before long. My husband fell off the wagon for only 2 months after 20 months of control by tablets and diet. Since October last year he has had to be back on the diet and meds but now he takes 3 times as much meds to control what he already had controlled. It wasn’t major as far as physical complications went except for his eyesight which deteriorated quite a bit during that period. He has the thickest lenses I have ever seen. Your husband is fooling himself, but I feel he has to find out the stupidity of thinking that way by himself. If you continue to watch closely and make sure everything you cook for him and have in the house is within his limits for the diabetes then you have done just about all you can do. It’s true what they say that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Nagging isn’t going to work, just divide you. Jude’s suggestions about setting ‘things’ in place for the future may help. Somehow I don’t think he’ll end up dead in the next few days but he may start feeling bad again rather soon. It’s unfortunate that we do have to learn by our mistakes. If he doesn;t object, go along to the doctor’s with him. Instead of saying to the doc that he thinks this ir that, ask a non threatening (to your husband) question like"does diabetes go away by itself" and don’t don’t tack on "cause hubby thinks it does". You may need to get some books from the library that explains diabetes better and read them with him. Hopefully he will understand that you are coming from love not a need to control. It’s all in the words you choose. Hope everything improves for you Judy. God bless.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I might have been here before and was given tons of advice and information. For some reason, my newsgroups vanished and my server says he doesn’t understand why..So rather than argue with him, I downloaded this Free Agent and it has been doing fine so far. My husband, who will be 60 in Nov., was dx’d with diabetes aprox. a month ago. Was put on 2 Glipizide a day. Stopped drinking ( which was a miracle) and it seemed he was taking this seriously. Well, the other day, he informed me that he’s decided he doesn’t have Diabetes anymore and he didn’t take his pills for a couple days and he was fine. Says the evening pill makes him weak and limp, so he did his own "experiment", drank some beer and he said his blood sugar was within the "normal" range…and he felt great!! I told him maybe it was dropping too low at night and he should tell his Dr. He said he did and Dr. says he has to take them both. So, now I’m worried he’s going to take his experiments too far and end up dead or worse….He’s old enough to know better or see a different Dr. if he thinks this one isn’t listening. I think I should just make it NOT my problem.
We have a great group of posters here, and we often joke around, sometimes even get off-topic. One of the reasons we allow that is to be prepared for a message like yours. It is one of the more difficult things we have to do, to help you with this. It tears our hearts out. First you have to understand that he is going thru denial. It’s normal *and* common. I bet half of the people here went thru it soon after they were diagnosed. They think the doctor just made a mistake, but of course the doctor *didn’t* make a mistake. Others have these thoughts after they are able to get their blood glucose numbers in control. See, my bG is normal! But they have made lifestyle changes to help get into control. The diabetes is still there, it’s the out-of-control bG that has gone. The doctor has already told him that (keep taking your two pills), but he doesn’t want to hear that. He wants to be what he was in the past (non-diabetic). Unfortunately, it is not likely that he is going to believe you either. I’m exhausting myself from worrying and asking what he’s eating and how his sugar levels are. I cringe when I come home from work at night thinking he’s going to be passed out somewhere. I have my own medical problems and don’t need this aggravation from him seemingly trying to kill himself.
Most (not all) of us are diabetics. I think that we can tell you that the above does you NO GOOD. If he isn’t going to deal with his diabetes, he isn’t going to deal with it. Nothing you say is going to help that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself in some other ways. These suggestions have come up over the past years. * Get out your camera. Take lots of pictures. "I just want to remember you when you were able to walk." * Make an appointment with the lawyer to update your wills. * If you don’t take care of the finances, make him show you where everything is, make him explain every possible complication. All records, passbooks, bank accounts, safety-deposit boxes and keys. * Ask if it wouldn’t be better to have the house and the car in your name. * Pre-arrange his funeral. If he doesn’t get the message, at least you will have peace-of-mind. I’m sure Carol from Alaska will have more suggestions, she’s a long-time veteran of the ToughLove program. He is very lucky to have a very caring spouse. Take care of YOURself. Jude — - Coming Soon – BestOrgs.NET Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck 
If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
Errr, I don’t know if someone has mentioned to you, but Australia is a very big place. Where are you arriving from? Mel http://www.imapwa.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey all, I’ll be in Australia in 2 days, and was wondering if anyone know of some cool events on this day. let me know!
Response:
whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
Try looking at http://sydney.citysearch.com.au Daniel — Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Guide to Australia: http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – whoops.. sorry! i’ll be arriving in sydney, but don’t mind to travel some hours to go to a cool parade or so
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I say give her a chance! If she’s playing what you show her then you will probably end up with very simple yet solid bass lines as the foundation for your songs. It sounds like it would be a great learning experience for her, and she would keep a lot of the fans happy for you. Advantageous to both! Jordan
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
If you’re willing to invest the time and effort, and you don’t mind having a "sub-par" bass player until she gets her sea legs, I’d say give her a shot.
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
If you’re willing to carry her for a little while, absolutely pick her. Never underestimate the drawing power of having a hot chick in the band.
Response:
We all had to start somewhere! Chances are she will be easier to deal with than some other hot shot, with attitude. Aloha, Jerry
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player,
It’s better than my band…. Old and ugly and a ‘good’ bass player!!!! =D
Response:
I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
(raises hand) do not bang your female bandmates. trust me.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have two replies to this. First, I too play bass ang guitar and I recently hired a green bass player. It will be months before we hit the stage so I thought I’d give him a chance. He learns his parts and does good. If he keeps up doing this well he will be very good by the time we are ready. Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times. Pt
Response:
We all had to start somewhere!
Absolutely. Some of us have been playing for years and still suck If have time to teach her, more power to both of you. —
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – give her a shot. especially if it’s a major concern that you don’t wan tot take lots of time off. she’ll likely warm up. g’luck man I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
How do you assess her current talent, her willingness to work, and therefrom, her future ability. How much time are you willing to personally put into the effort? You have to think about how far away from gigs you are, and how far she is, and then decide if that, and all it entails, is a good bet. You said, she ’seemed’ eager to learn. Talk to her in detail about that. And ask youself, what kind of person will I be if there’s a snag. Will you stick with her, compromise, accomodate.. after all, people learn different things at different speeds. You don’t want to have very high hopes for everything you may require.. are you willing to attenuate goals in her favor? Others have commented on the possible difficulty of having a woman in the band. If that’s a motivation, and I’m sure you know what I mean, I suggest you count it against the idea, not for. However, if it’s about music, and you can reliably assess yourself, and your bandmates, then the idea of her being a possible problem is unfair if it’s really you or your band. And.. Despite the best intentions, love comes a knockin.. you gonna be the doorman for everyone? My point is you have to distinguish between real problems, and this involves the ethical issue of womanhood. Hey, man.. it’s not dangerous to trust, not evil to give someone a break. Don’t discriminate because she’s female. You wouldn’t consider that if she were male.. and for cryin’ out loud.. the worst bandmates usually are! Twang! — Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Response:
I tried out for a band with a female bass player a couple years ago. She was bigger than me and I’m 6 foot 2, about 230. She was so ugly that she was scarey. Plus she yelled at me to do what she wanted. I was out of there in a heartbeat. But she was an excellent bass player. Pt
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Agreed. Rise above. Play the music, have rules about conduct, make life simple and enjoyable. Others have done this, it ain’t gonna be perfect but it’s real doable. –TP
Response:
I play in a band, but I suck and I’m not young or cute. Keep her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking? Mike
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Unless, like Grace Slick, she bangs everyone in the band except the other lead singer!!
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
I should give her a try, at the risk of antagonising lots of bass players here, a band can (and very often does) get along with a pretty limited bass player. My daughter’s been playing bass only since last summer (and never played guitar at all), I’ve seen a lot worse bass players than her in quite decent bands (and for that matter, on TV music channels!). If she’s young, cute – and most of all – willing to learn!, I don’t think you can really go wrong. Particularly as you already play bass, so can give her help and advice. As she gains experience she can start playing more complicated parts – it should be a valuable learning experience all round. In my experience with my daughter (who’s 13) there’s a lot of prejudice against girls from a small minority of male guitarists – "girls can’t play bass" is a very common comment. This drives my daughter to work even harder, determined to show them that girls can play bass better than they can – if they don’t like been bettered, she’ll also "kick their ass" as well!. If your bass player has come across this attitude, it’s likely she’s willing to work hard as well. — Nigel Goodwin C.Farmer Ltd. Matlock
Response:
Mike,
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. To be blunt, your assessment of her musical ability is too vague. You need to do a critical assessment of musical ability: – her "ear": perfect pitch? good? fair? poor? – her finger dexterity: great? good? fair? poor? – her music memory: great? good? fair? poor? – can she sing? – how much music theory does she know? – can she keep the beat? – can she play notes to drumming? – does she know the notes on the fretboard? first five frets? – has she been teaching herself? – if instructed, what does her instructor say? – can she play a bass line to any song(s)? what song(s) if so? The intent of the above questions is to force you into being objective of her potential, of her current status, and of the amount of training and time needed to be of value to the band and to reach her potential. If her potential falls short of the band’s need, then no. Other questions: – does she have access to a computer for music learning? – does she have her own transportation? – does she have all the necessary music gear? Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? You have to find some method such that she can learn the bass lines on her own. Since you play the bass, then you play and record the bass lines, and then burn the bass lines to CD. Write the sequence of musical notes for each bass line on a piece of paper, for example: F F G F F G Bb Bb. Use one bass line to teach her how to learn, and then expect progress at some reasonable rate. Hopefully, she has a computer to help her learn the bass lines. With music software, she can isolate segments of the bass line and practice all of the segments until she can play the entire bass line. Should I pick her or keep looking? Hopefully, you had a qualification level with a pass/fail criteria when people auditioned . Obviously, she did not pass. Until she passes, she is not "in" the band. However, because of your situation and because she is still a beginner, she is not "out" of the band. You have to decide the following: – she has bass potential equal to or above the needs of the band – the time frame for her to reach the need of the band is reasonable – the commitment necessary to train her is not overwhelming From my life experience in other areas, I would keep looking and put her on a probationary time period. I would tell it to her straight. If the band does not find someone and she attains the qualification level during her probationary time period, then she is "in" the band. If the band does find someone else, then she is not "in" the band at this time, however, the probationary time period continues as there is an agreement between yourself and herself to determine whether or not she can pass the qualifications to be "in" the band. On one hand, she receives instruction and eventually practice time with the band, and, on the other hand, you have the potential of another candidate if your new bass player does not mesh with the band. The intent is to achieve a situation where both people are content even if she does not become a member of the band. If she does not achieve the qualification level, then you are not in the awkward situation of dumping her and resuming your search. If she achieves the qualification level but you found someone else, then she has gained training to join another band, and you have a bass back-up. The idea is grow your contacts of people and not to sever your contacts. Doug Arnott Author of VABLE http://www.dougarnott.ca/
Response:
My experience of female musicians in general. They are either excellent because they really want to play and have worked really hard to be better than an average male to get a job in a band. Or They are poor they can play just enough to get by and are in the band because they are the wife / girlfriend of another bandmember. Never yet met a female musician who was just "average". Mike
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image.
Why should this even be a factor?
Response:
I have a dilema with my band. I play both guitar and bass. Our bass player left so we advertised for either bass or guitar. We can’t pay and we don’t have gigs yet. The only person that has responded to the ad was this girl. She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. She seemed really nice and eager to learn, only problem is that she’s not very good since she’s only been playing for a year. Since I play both, I could work with her so she can learn the songs. I guess my question is, would it hurt our band to have someone so inexperienced, who can only play what I show her? Should I pick her or keep looking?
Since you’re not playing paid gigs and can’t pay anyone to come in, I say give her a chance. If you had gigs lines up and there was a financial incentive, then you would want someone at a higher caliber. But if she has any basic skill and a wllingness to learn, you night have the freedom to go with someone a bit less experienced. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how.
Response:
She’s young and cute bass player, and would do alot for our bands image. Why should this even be a factor?
Ah, young grasshopper…you have much to learn… To other musicians, the most important thing is ability. To the public, the most important things are your image and your songlist, in that order. If all you want out of life is to book weekends at your local bars for $40 a night each, then image isn’t very important. But if you’re looking to rise above it, then you better work on developing an image. Nobody cares how fast you can play scales or how much you paid for your instruments. They want to hear good songs played by entertaining people. You don’t have to be good looking to have an image. I’ve seen ugly people have the crowd in their hands because their image was cool. But you do have to have an image, and one way to artificially create one is having good looking people. You can complain about it all you want but it doesn’t change things.
Response:
Second, Women in bands can be serious trouble. Everybody will be hitting on her. If she goes out with one guy others will be jealous. There may be fights and an early demise of your band. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Wow, how gloomerous. It may or may not happen, but so what if it does? If a band breaks up over a girl, maybe they didn’t need to be together in the first place. The smart thing to do is talk about it and set a policy that she is one of the guys and your all like her big brother. And stick to it. Either that or she agrees to do the whole band and free love rules the day LOL
The one of the guys idea is good in theory, but girls in bands tend to eventually hook up with some guy in the band. But I don’t see why that’s bad or has to lead to some horrible conclusion. If people don’t get all panty-wadded over it, everyone can co-exist and be fine. The only problem is when you have some immature baby in the band whining over it because he’s not the one tagging her. Worrying about someone hooking up with a girl in the band is possibly the most retarded reason there is for not hiring a girl.
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
If you have more than two days in Melbourne,I would rent a car to do the great ocean road scenic trip.Then I would definitely fly to Sydney to enjoy the most of it.As for taking only day trips from there I would suggest at least a 1 night stayover in either The Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley depending on your wine affair!!You might prefer,however,to invest the entire 4 days in Sydney,which wouldn’t be fool either. Enjoy your trip. Jean Quebec city – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.) Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne? We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney? Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days? I’m guessing time restraint rules out trip to the GBR. Correct? Appreciatively, Hank
Response:
My wife has business meetings in Melbourne next week & I’m tagging along. Several questions: What’s interesting for me to do while she’s working? (I’m a golfer but won’t have room to bring clubs.)
Rent clubs at the course, visit the zoo or take a day trip out to Healesville Sanctuary; visit the Yarra Valley wineries. Should I rent car to get around in Melbourne?
No – use the trams – a day pass is very cheap. We fly out of Sydney and have only 4 days for sightseeing after she is through work. Should we plane. train or rental car from Melbourne to Sydney?
Unless you are a confident driver (I’m guessing you’re from the US – wrong side of road etc) I’d fly. It is a long day Should we base in Sydney & take day trips the 4 days?
For a change of pace and a treat for your wife you could overnight in the Blue Mountains – there are tours that will allow you to do 2/3 of the tour on day one & they drop you at a hotel returning for you 24 hours later to complete the tour and return to Sydney. This would give you a day to wander around Katoomba and get some fresh air. Don’t miss a harbour cruise – night is best. Vicki
Response:
How about changing his food to something that he would eat up completely. Are you feeding him once or twice each day? I would try feeding him most of his food in the morning, say two cups of food and then one to one and a half cups for dinner…..should be at least 12 hours between feedings. Freya – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Camilla: First questions to ask are: How old is he? He`ll be 2 years at 5 of May. Is he otherwise healthy? Yes his health is fine and has no worms. Good appetite? Well, he get easily distracted from his food and sometimes he just pick at the food. Appropriate energy level? He is always running around, enjoys his agility evenings. Does he look unusually thin (are his ribs showing?) No, not his ribs but his hips are showing. How big were the parents? His mother are very low and his father was at standard size. How does he compare to the rest of his littermates? Well, it has not been easy for me to compare him to his littermates….he and a brother are the only ones from the litter who has problems..they both are very high at there age and his brother has at an age of 8 months already gone through a surgery for to fast groving..he did
Categories: alternative asthma treatment | 
No Comments »